More Self Theropy
One of the many downfalls to having an autoimmune disorder is your sleeping patterns. I’ve talked about this before in my initial post about Pillow Talk.
One minute you can’t keep your eyes open. It is hard to even drive home from work because you are so extremely fatigued. Then trying to do your everyday activities once you get home is a major challenge. And the nights you are extremely fatigued you may sleep extremely hard for about an hour, wake up out of no where and be up for the next hours.
Then, with a snap of the fingers, you are experiencing the complete opposite. You can’t sleep at all. But you are not really tired when you get home even though you are going on 1 hour of sleep.
You never know how long the insomnia is going to last. One night, a week, a month. You never know. One thing is absolutely for certain though, and that is when it finally comes to an end, you are down for several days.
It is a constant battle that no one understands unless you experience it for yourself. The fatigue hurts so bad that your entire body hurts. Your eyes burn and hurt from trying to keep them open, and you can’t quit yawning. Even that hurts.
People may call you lazy. They may think you are faking it. They accuse you of sleeping all the time. When that fatigue hits, the only thing you can do is sleep. If not you end up in the hospital.
I knew it was the beginning of the insomnia phase. Although I was tired, my head was killing me, and my body hurt, I could feel the sleeplessness coming on. I did what I usually do, and played a couple of games, and colored. I thought I was about to doze off, but NOPE.
Prayers
I prayed. Praying always helps to get things off your mind, because you are turning your worries over to the Lord. I have a confession, I have fallen asleep in the middle of my prayers at night. There are a lot of midnight staff meetings with the Lord. Some nights when I cannot sleep, I talk to him the whole time until I doze off. Then I feel really guilty because I didn’t say “Amen”.
I talk to him like I am talking to my best friend. I tell him everything that is on my mind. I don’t do fancy prayers, because the way I see it, he knows who I am when I am not talking to him. I literally talk to him the way I do my closest friends, because he is. He is my Father.
Prairie Dog Holes
Last nights staff meeting was pretty lengthy. It did not end until about 4 a.m. this morning. I love going down what every one else calls Rabbit Holes. Well I am from West Texas. If you are from West Texas you know there is one animal that can dig deeper and longer than any rabbit. That is a prairie dog.
Prairie dogs are the cutest animals ever, but they are very destructive and I think they multiple faster, and take over faster than rabbits. From now on, you will not hear me say a rabbit hole. It is a prairie dog hole.
I started down one of those prairie dog holes looking into blogging. I haven’t figured any of this stuff out yet. This is just my 4th post. I don’t even know if they are linked up right or not.
I tried learning the page layouts, terminology, attaching links, affiliate marketing. There is so much to it, that all I could do then is get overwhelmed. I really needed to get my butt out of bed at that point, go to my computer, and really take notes.
But my bed was so warm and cozy, and I sit at a desk all day already. I just could not bring myself to do it at mid-night. Out came the notebook. This time I decided I would be equipped for success.
When you start a new project there is always uncertainty. I thought maybe I should write out all those things that are weighing in the back of my mind.
Questions
Did I start all wrong? What if I can’t learn all the terminology? How is it going to turn out?
Will anyone even read my non-sense rambling? Even though I think I am hilarious, and I laugh at my jokes all the time, will anyone else be able to understand my dry smartass comments. My girls do, but I raised them.
What criticism am I going to receive? How will I handle that criticism?
Everywhere I read, it says find your niche and follow it. Not to have too many subjects. Find something you have a lot of expertise on and roll with it.
Unfortunately I am not a expert on anything. I’ve always said I am a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I just like to do things. I like to figure out solutions to my own problems. I’m a poor single mom, and cannot afford to hire people for everything.
I still have to rely on my parents for a vehicle and everything….I have to cut corners every way I can.
So that is why I came up with this blog, and my YouTube channel. Never do you see a broke down old woman handle all of it at once. And maybe you will get a good laugh out of it. Watching me try to fix things or do things sometimes is pretty comical.
Going back to the questions that are lingering in the back of my mind. I hope you read my non-sense and see the humor in drama that surrounds me. If you don’t like it, what I say you, can just move along.
I have always tried to live by, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” AND “DO unto others the way you would have them do unto you.”
Finding Your “Niche”
Unfortunately though, I don’t really have a niche. I do things. I live life to the fullest. When it gives me limes, I mix it with tequila and rock on with it, but I like sugar around the rim instead of salt.
I craft. I cook inside and outside. I camp. I clean. I take care of a stock yard of animals who are my pets and nothing more.
I do the yard work. I build and repair fences. I repair the barn. I’m the plumber. I try to be a mechanic, but not on cars.
I am a full time employee at a financial institution. I am the loud mouth that is not afraid to say what is on her mind.
I am a MAD (Mom And Dad). I am a grandma. I am a daughter and a sister. I am a granddaughter, a niece, and a cousin. I am a Christian.
I am a supervisor. I am a friend. I am Superwoman (hahahahahaha I could not resist)
But I am by no means an expert on any of the above. My niche is life, living life, and enjoying life. It is laughing at everything, even in the most inappropriate times.
If you are looking for bougie, you are reading the wrong blog. I wear my hair in a pony tail most of the time, and don’t wear hardly any makeup. My favorite outfit is a sweat shirt and sweat pants in the winter, and a sweat shirt and my Adam Sandler shorts in the summer.
Apparently I needed a little pick me up by saying all those things. I needed to make myself feel better. Did it work? Naw. I was still awake.
If there is one thing that I do know for certain it is that I want to be successful at whatever I set out to do. I really don’t want to look like a complete idiot. I mean, I can say I don’t really care what people think, but in reality…I do really care.
Reading all the information on my phone though is pretty tough. Old woman, remember? So, I just pinned a few things and I will read them tomorrow. Or the next day. Or maybe sometime when my head is no reeling with too much information.
Pinning stuff was not a good place to go either. All the cute things on there for the yard. I would love to get my yard to look better. I put mulch in the front flower bed, with plastic, but the morning glories still find their way through.
Gardening
Needless to say, my attention went from one thing to another pretty quick. Next I saw a really cute sign for the front door. I may be able to do that. The downside is I don’t really have a front porch to put it on. My little back yard area that is my favorite place in the yard would look cute with it, but in the winter it gets majorly neglected. I need to go out and clean it up also.
Hopefully with winter finally coming close to an end, I can start working in the yard before too long. I want to do a garden again. I just have to figure out where a good place would be since the chickens roam the entire place.
Also, finding a good watering spot poses as a problem also. I will not haul water out to a garden. I am entirely too lazy for that.
What could I plant? Since I finally got a good recipe for bread a butter pickles and sweet pickle relish, I will definitely want to grow cucumbers again. Yellow squash and zucchini are always a given as well as jalapenos, tomatoes, cilantro, and some other herbs maybe. I’ve never used many fresh herbs because they are expensive and hard to find in small town Texas.
And I want to plant some pumpkins. Not because I want to eat them or anything. I want to have some to decorate with this fall. I love pumpkins.
Back to where to put the garden though. If I put it inside the fence where the dogs are, they would probably dig it up. Aspen in a digger. She would probably tear it all up. If I put it where I did last time, I will have to put up a chicken wire fence to keep chickens and bunnies out.
I have 68 acres of land. 48 of it is right beside my house, but I live off a major highway. People do not understand that it is private property and like to rob the fields here. So I don’t want to take that risk. There is no water available to the rest of the acreage.
Putting up a chicken fence around the old spot would not be hard, and it would not be bad, but chicken wire is not cheap. For 150 ft of mesh poultry netting, it is around $71.99. Then I would have to buy the rebar poles. I would need at least 25 of those, and they run $39.99 for a set of 6.
I don’t think I want to do that. Maybe I won’t do a garden. Just to get it ready would cost me at least $232 dollars. I could buy a ton of sweet relish and all those vegetables for a fraction of the cost. And without all the hassle.
The hassle, though, is the fun part of it. Knowing that you grew that food on your own. Knowing that you made that relish on your own. Know there is no weird stuff in your food because you did all of it.
SQUIRREL
Oh look!!!!! A Squirrel!! Oh the decisions, decisions, decisions. All this in a matter of a couple of hours. Trying to keep my mind straight at night is so difficult.
Maybe it is because throughout the day, I have my mind on work, finances, other things. When I get home and in bed, that is when I can finally let my imagination go wild over things that I really like.
And boy oh boy, that is a wild winding road. The signs are pointing in all directions, and Siri is taking me down every back road imaginable.
Finally my eyes are getting heavy. The clock says 4:00 a.m. I have to get up in 2 ½ hours. Hopefully they will stay shut for that small amount of time. Until the next staff meeting.
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